Declarations

Declarations

Declarations come in groups of three
Many a trifling thing such as
“My dearest wish” or “That can’t be”
“I’m your father” and “Is that true?”
“Who am I?” and “Who are you?”
Those secrets I keep to myself
And though I digress
“I can’t think”; “Life’s a mess”
A little food for thought,
I’m here to tell
“Look behind you” or “Go to hell”
“Think this over”; “I miss you”
“I’m really sorry” ; “Was that Dejavu?”
Trapped into this ring of three
NeverTheLess, “It might be”
These vices grip us “To the heart”
“I need time”; “Ready to start?”
I’ve always tried to break free
“Resisting the urge” “Fight the authority”
I think this over through and through
And I can’t help, but whisper

“I love you”

The Girl With the Blue Ribbon

Prologue

Have you ever heard a church bell ringing? That bell is the resonant, vibrant sound that rings throughout the whole town; its melancholic melody reminding many of the joy that is to come in seven days. Although… It was also a not so joyous reminder to the protagonist of our story. You see, Melanie was a not-so-fortunate orphan. She had been the plaything of fate and destiny for more than a year now. Subject to tragedy upon tragedy, she managed to survive through divorce, illness and the harsh winter cold. The village streets are not as welcoming as they had been during summer; the nights were often colder and much harsher.  Her only solace was the knowledge that she might die over night…

Salem Sunday December 24, 1692 7:00 AM

Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong.

The morning had brought mist and a sickly sweet burning smell. Bones shivered throughout her small frail body. Melanie Thorneshaw, wrapped up in disease ridden rags, walked about the frozen village. The snow had fallen heavily the night before and added another thick layer to the solemn village of Salem. Her bare feet cringed under the snow as she stumbled clumsily, arms wrapped around herself, murmuring non coherent sounds. She stopped her ambiguous walk as soon as she heard ruffling behind her. Her heart thumped, one, one, one, one-two, one-two. Peering over her shoulder she confirmed her safety and rubbed her rosy cheeks.

“Me-la-nie.”

Melanie halted again and crouched down, clutching her head to avoid the pain. Stones soared in her direction from behind as well as from her sides. One by one they struck her ribs and grazed her face, but she held in the urge to cry, burying herself in the soft snow.

“Me-la-niiie.”

Childish, but malevolent laughter reached her ears, freezing her solid. From her snow cover she witnessed two cold, dark eyes. “Wench. Get out of our village you little whore.” The owner of those cold, dark eyes kicked the lump of snow, she gasped, the pupils in her eyes shrinking and the white blotting out any signs of life. She went limp.

Hunger.

Melanie woke up, weary and death beaten, her stomach growling softly. It knew as well as her that food was a rare pleasure. She recognized the place she had been carried off to right away, even in the dark; the woods outside, silent in comparison to the town of Salem. Melanie dragged her body over to a mossy tree and propped herself up against it. The day had turned to night in an instant and she cried under black night. The tears that had swollen behind her eye welled out; salty tears coated her lips and left a bad taste in her mouth. Her jet black hair absorbed the rest, as if to let her know that those tears would not be spent on the wretched town.

“Melanie?”

Frightened, the girl stumbled forward; reliving the dangerous moment.

“Don’t be frightened child.” The voice had awoken hidden warmth within her. Melanie looked up from the cold snow and a gentle face stared back.

“Come here silly girl.”

She crawled slowly, painfully, and the newcomer rushed to help her. “Dear Lord, what happened to you child?”

She shook her head, unable to speak. She had been silent now, for a year. The stranger picked the frail body up, resting her on his shoulder. She laid her head, breathing softly, treasuring the moment. The reverend Paul marched through the snow, carrying the little body with him to the church on the hill. Eyes stared from windows, watching the little girl they had often hit and mocked carried on the shoulder of the father of the church.

Paul entered the building, shaking off the snow and laying the girl gently on a bench. A frantic nun ran to his side when she saw that he carried a body with him. His face was wet and only part of it was from the snow. As soon as the nun saw who the visitor was she took a cautious step back.

“Reverend, are you certain you will keep this child here?”

“Mhmm? Why wouldn’t I Mary? Every widow and orphan should be cared for, Melanie is no different.”

The nun was silent for a moment. “But Reverend, rumors say she has made a pact with the evil one.”

The reverend was taken aback for a moment. “Sister Mary, have you fallen into the sin of gossip? And you accuse a child of God of being in liege with the devil?”

Mary understood her chastisement right away and decided to remain silent.

“Clean and clothe her with something warm. She needs to be fed also. It’s a miracle she’s still breathing…  God has kept a watchful eye over her.” A passive smile and a sigh of relief followed. “It’s a good thing Lyon caught on to the scent of her blood… I wouldn’t have found her otherwise.” A husky dog was curled up on the bench beside Melanie, breathing gently as it slept. Mary hurried off to prepare a bath and as soon as she was out of sight the reverend collapsed against the wooden wall, clutching his beating heart.  Age was bearing down on him, grimly.

Christmas Eve

“Me-la-nie, Me-la-nie, Me-la-nie!”

Rhythmic breathing brought her back to reality and Lyon, huge next to Melanie, lay silently next to her. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, noticing for the first time the new layer of clothing on her. Her pearly white skin was visible again and her hair cascaded into curls. She pushed some of her bangs away and stood, walking around a building she vaguely remembered. Lyon stirred and nuzzled her stomach, causing her a strange sensation. She tried to hold it back, but found herself giggling.

“Ah, Melanie.”

She stopped and quickly crawled behind the big husky dog. Reverend Paul shook his head and resorted to laughing. “Come here child.

She stood up from the floor, dusting her clothes off and with her head bowed down neared the old reverend. He patted her when she was close enough and she stood there pigeon toed. She only looked up when a small wrapped up present was presented to her. She looked at the reverend and back at the present. Paul nodded and she took the present, opening it up curiously. A cyan blue ribbon sat elegantly in the padded box. “Go ahead, put it on. She attached it clumsily and the reverend helped her a second later. He pushed an end of the ribbon that had covered her eye away. To his surprise the colors were almost identical.

They spent most of that day together. Service had been postponed for the festivities and Salem had calmed down for the time being.

Dusk signaled everyone home, the children dropped snowballs and fathers returned early from their daily office. Melanie’s cyan blue ribbon disappeared behind the closing church doors and the reverend hushed her to a room he had Mary prepare for her.

“Sleep child, tomorrow is a new day.” The silent girl nodded and closed her eyes… for a moment.

She lay still in the dark room, motionless, only her steady breathing keeping her company. This new life… she was enjoying it, but something kept telling her that it was not hers.

11:43 PM

Melanie tiptoed slowly into the Reverend’s room, calmly looking into his closed eyes. She stood there for a moment before she leaned in and kissed his cheek, “Merry Christmas sir…” She had spoken, so quietly, but she was certain they were words. The cold breeze outside whipped at her old rags. She had left the nun’s outfit, but held on to the ribbon as a memento. Only Lyon witnessed her departure and they had sworn between silent looks to not speak a word. After a warm night in the church… the winter night was harsh.

Salem Woods Tuesday December 25, 1692 9:00 AM

“Witch!”

“Catch her!”

“Don’t let her get away!”

A flash of blue made its way through the forest clearing; her frantic breaths becoming harder and shorter. She had fooled the men, but her fears were still at her heels.

“Me-la-nie… Me-la-nie… Me-la-nie.. ME-LA-NIE!”

It happened in the span of three seconds. A rock hit her head, making a deep gash; she tripped and hit her head on the trunk of a tree. Two dark cold eyes kneeled beside her. A boy, probably two or three years older than her kneeled beside her and she recognized his eyes; two dark, emotionless eyes. She blinked one last time and fell into a deep slumber.

The next scene was a blur. Melanie tried moving, but couldn’t. She shook her body weakly, but the bonds were too strong. She was tied to a stake atop a pyre of wood, in the center of Salem square; the whole village surrounded her. She uttered weak noises, like an animal ensnared in a trap. The blood from her head made her light headed and it had dried up on her face. Too much yelling surrounded her and she felt the need to scream, but she could not find her voice.

A shadow crept from the corner of her eye, standing on a pulpit in front of the crowd. “Melanie Thorneshaw, age 13, you are hereby convicted of witchcraft and the murder of the Revernd Paul. Do you wish to confess?”

The girl shut down for a second and uttered to no one, but the bleeding wind. “P-P- Paul..?”

“I repeat, are you not the murderer of Reverend Paul? Are you not a daughter of the devil?”

Melanie struggled under the pressure, neglecting to believe that man was dead. She uttered pleading noises.

“Will the witness please rise to the stand?” The man speaking on the pulpit looked eagerly as a single person walked through the crowd. Her head was bowed down, a heavy burden thrust upon her soul. “Sister Mary… is this not the witch that sent her specter to stop the Reverend’s beating heart?”

The nun refused to look at the child, now limp, tied to the stake. She nodded and the man now looked to Melanie with greedy eyes; a boy who was his very imprint standing beside him; the boy with the dark eyes.  “What is the jury’s verdict?”

The crowd rose up and roared the sentence. “G-U-I-L-T-Y.”

The executioner, who could only be said to wear the robes of death, set the pyre below Melanie aflame. The crowd witnessed the spectacle in pure awe. A braid of hair loosened itself from her bloodied hair and something was tied to it; the blue ribbon. The girl sobbed, horribly. It was not a child anymore, who cried amongst the flames, a pure rendition of a heavenly figure. The flames rose up violently and everyone took a step back.

Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong.

The church bell rang, but no one was in the church; no one, but the corpse of a holy man who took an orphan into his hands. The ringing was nostalgic… it was not the same bell that rang those seven days ago. This one was a gift, the last breath of Reverend Paul. Rain poured down on Salem that day, drenching the pyre that had swallowed the soul of a lost orphan.

Melanie Thorneshaw… hold your blue ribbon close to your heart; your peace has finally come.

Breaking Point

[Intro]
I’ve been feeling the pressure
And I need to let it out
Before I let you go
I’ll tell you what it’s all about

[Verse 1]
I need a moment’s reprieve
God, just let me breathe
The devils on my back
With an idea I can’t conceive
And I’m kneeling, asking why,
[If I asked for freedom]
Why do you want me to die?

It’s like the day of my crucifixion
[Whips on my back]
And I don’t understand the conviction
What murder did I commit?
That you’ve got me on a chain
Working, just for the hell of it
What justice did I obstruct?
Were my words threatening?
Or was it my conduct?

And I’m still wondering

[Chorus] x2
Broken dreams, Shattered hope
Said you’d take me on a riff ride
Shattered promises, Broken hearts
Yet I’m still sitting on the cliff side

So did I strike out?
Did I bust a vein?
Got a new assignment
Just waiting for your name

What is the reason for this chaos?
It’s got me on overdrive
Blood pumping through my heart
Like I just made it from a cliff-high dive
Why don’t you tell me what’s the rush?
Tick. Tock. Its already half past ten
You think; ask why

And I’m still wondering

[Chorus] x2
Broken dreams, Shattered hope
Said you’d take me on a riff ride
Shattered promises, broken hearts
Yet I’m still sitting on the cliff side

[Outro]
I said it all comes to an end here,
Break my chains, set me free
Let me live.
Let me be.

Shut Down

[Verse 1]

It’s always a game
Of robbers and cops
You walk by me up those stairs
Clueless, my heart stops
No wonder, when I turn around
The sky just drops
Its raining down on me again
When has it not?

You don’t understand
The situation I’m in
With a flick of your fingers
My lungs stop breathing
I’m hopeless, you should know
But your heart is cold as steel
Much thicker than the snow

And this path I see
This road I tread upon
Always leads back to you
When did I turn wrong?
If you stop to analyze
The world around you
You’ll begin to realize
This aint de—javu

[Chorus]

Fire burns down, my deliberation
Ice slows down, my consideration
And yet you fail to understand,
My single proclamation

This hearts so cold
These eyes so blind
My spirits long gone
Now I’ve lost my mind

The feelings numb
This life aint mine
Both success and misery
At the same time

[Verse 2]

Its on the average day
When I get to see you most
There’s barely communication
Even when you’re so close
Then we’re eye to eye
But never hand in hand
You look away briefly
Then I understand

That there’s no way
And there’s no chance
You cannot be mine
I’m in a broken trance
You gave me the sign
Of a plain dejection
No point in following now
I can’t cope with rejection

I’ll always remember
How we used to play
A game of chase
Its the end of that day
The new horizon dawned
And I simply must say
My life has carried on

[Chorus]

Fire burns down, my deliberation
Ice slows down, my consideration
And yet you fail to understand,
My single proclamation

This hearts so cold
These eyes so blind
My spirits long gone
Now I’ve lost my mind

The feelings numb
This life aint mine
Both success and misery
-pause- Huh?
Crap, I forgot to rhyme~

A Shattered Promise

A Shattered Promise

Will you deny our existence,
And cast away that faint smile?
You promised we would be much more,
Was it worthwhile?
I can still see the image
Precedent to your renunciation
Still burns deep within my mind,
Whispering to my humiliation
You’ve pushed me over into hell
Fourteen times under
Bloodied beneath the ground,
All compassion torn asunder
Still, cold, motionless, deranged,
Deceived and betrayed
A body without a soul,
So its path unto sanity remains delayed
Broken, Tied to life
On the whim that we’ll go on
What is life without you
To balance your rights with my wrongs?
Remember a day,
Your intensity blew my heart on fire
Only pain lays in the way now,
You’ve broken my desire

I’ve reached the top,
Of desolation
Wouldn’t you agree with me,
Oh Sweet temptation?

Chapter 3

May Weathers.

That was the name she gave me when we both sat down. The Oakwood seats were thinly coated with some sort of olive green cushion. Even though we were indoors I could still feel the cold of the bare wood that came in contact with my skin. Its cold… I hugged myself under the dark grey coat to try and warm my body. My breath was visible and with each short puff my breathing became rhythmical. We both stared out of the train, absorbed by the raging white outside. The forest was barely visible through the thick snow.

May stared deep into my eyes, searching for something I was sure was not there…She carried with her a story. A story she could not share, a story she would not share, but ironically felt compelled to tell to a stranger. There was a silent pause between her first words and her story. When she opened her mouth the silence of the train seemed untarnished. It seemingly blended in with the air, a cool, but feminine, weak, but confident voice.

“Excuse my intrusion, it’s just that…” She was once again staring.

“My eyes are peculiar, I’m aware. But you seemed to be looking for something… in me?” I remember my voice trailed off with the raging wind outside.

“Not in you. Like you…” Her contrast wasn’t sharp, but it was to the point. “Dirk.” More silence. She seemed reluctant to continue and tried hard to swallow the awkwardness of the situation. “He was born to me with… violet eyes. They were a violent shade of purple. Apart from that he was a normal babe…” I could tell it was something really important for her. She held her hand over her heart and with her eyes closed relived a certain memory that would remain precious to her. “His father disappeared shortly after. Gone with the wind…” A lone tear sped down her cheek. “I had to escape with Dirk… they thought he had done something to him. They were convinced he was… some kind of monster.” She stuttered, her fingers tapping nervously together. She looked at her empty arms before setting them down on the table. For a moment it looked like she was rocking something in her arms. “I took off with him and have been traveling ever since… but…Dirk…” The words struggled out. “He disappeared from my bedside two days ago. I felt his hand… disppearing from my own like he was… fading away…” Her voice trailed off to add to that mysterious effect.

My eyes flickered momentarily. The reason. My vision had wandered to the narrow corridor between the two lanes of seating areas. A small creature in dirty rags.

I found my fingers holding a piece of cloth and drying of May’s cheeks. I wasn’t sure of what to tell her. She had entrusted me with her story and all my response would contain were words of conciliation. I had seen something tugging at her legs, but my heart would not allow me to tell her the little boy was right beside her. “Have you searched the train?”

She shook her head. Glowing violet eyes stared at me from behind the child’s black, messy bangs. He had a small nose and his face was also a little dirty. It still had a little bit of the roundness of a newborn and he preserved all the innocence. He held on to May affectionately, but his eyes were still on me, I could feel them.

I blinked my eyes, but this time the child did not disappear. “Do you need any help?”

She didn’t respond right away, but looked at the window that faced a wide open field of snow. The snow sunk into the horizon, far off into the distance. “No… I don’t think he’ll ever come back.”

I watched the child who buried his face in the woman’s dress. Did she not feel that?

“Why would you come to that conclusion?”

“It’s happened before.”

“But he returned didn’t he?”

“You don’t understand. That day he didn’t disappear completely.”

Huh? “Completely?”

She held her index finger and thumb in the air like there was something in between them. “This.” She said. “Was what… disappeared…”

I held out my palm half confused. I jostled when I felt something drop into my hand, moments after she let go of what she held. Something invisible played into my hands.

Pondering for a moment I asked her plainly “What is it?”

She rethought it for a moment. Would she really tell a stranger the secrets of her life? She knew how unbelievable this story would sound to someone other than herself. “It’s a piece of a pendant.”

“A pendant?” I fumbled the invisible object around with my hands and something glinted for a single second. May did not appear to have seen the same thing so I stayed shut. A lump of something swelled in my throat, it was an uncomfortable feeling that I knew was all mental. I was definitely seeing things. Almost as strangely the small child nodded to confirm my state of lunatism. It seemed almost comical, but there was something deeper than comedy going on and my eyes could see right to it.

“It belonged to his father…” She said it absent mindedly, staring once more into the purple orbs settled in my eyes. “Those same eyes…” A small huff. “Well he began to fade… Both of my eyes were on him, but every second he became lighter until I could see through his body. My grip on him… it began to loosen also…” She remembered how two days ago she relived the sensation, but woke up find nothing at her side. “We had been traveling on foot so I took him and held him as strongly as I could. My life slipped between my fingers and I could feel his warm cheeks become so dull and cold. I held him and held him… I remember how he looked at me smiling. Holding my face with his small hands. They had no feeling in them, but it was the most pleasant touch I had ever felt… He grabbed onto the pendant I wore around my neck… I wasn’t sure if he knew it was his father’s, but he held it with the kindness he would have shown him. I felt the child in my arms become thin air. My hands closed around the non-existent child and I sobbed and sobbed…” She was really crying again. Not heavy tears or saddened ones. These were tears shed for other reasons. “I felt something warm pick up my tears, almost evaporating straight off of my face.  Dirk looked at me… his eyes still violet, but they seemed duller now… like his life had been sucked out of him. But he was still there and the pendant around my neck.. I couldn’t see it anymore. I’m not sure what happened, but…” She clutched the invisible rock embedded in a precious metal in her hands like a piece of her heart. “I think his father.. did the last that he could.. wherever he was…”

I heard the story quite plainly, who knows, that may have been the reason I did what I did next… The lump in my throat fell into my stomach and the unpleasantness intensified. “May?”

“Yes?” Her voice still had a sullen dreaminess to it.

“Can you see that child standing next to you?”

Chapter 2

Four to five days. I sat down repeating what the assistant had, not too long ago, mentioned to me. There was nothing I could do to speed up the train. My hands met with my face, the coolness of my own touch, killing the frustration that had threatened to explode within. I felt my stomach turn sour as it tumbled for no apparent reason. I felt uncomfortable locked up in that room, big as it was. The bed could have easily fit two people. Three if the latter was small enough.

It was for a second, but I felt my vision blur and a pair of purple eyes stared at me. Tearful eyes that stabbed my heart with an insurmountable guilt. Crystal… Those were hers, I was so certain. They had been the object of my fascination for so long. The shade of violet so deep in color, yet its intensity drew me into another world. Every time I stared at them I felt like I was trapped between this world and the next…

A chill ran down my spine as the vision ended and I was once again surrounded by the four wooden walls. A haunting memory behind each. They had probably heard a thousand tales and witnessed so many scenes of lustful passion they dare not recount. I was just another story that would soon be etched into the very core of the locomotive.

I flattened the creases I had formed on the large bed, concentrating and putting so much effort into shutting my mind off from the life that shouldn’t have happened. A life I shouldn’t have been involved in. I left behind a woman whose life had been wasted with a phenomenon. Shunned by the normal parameters of the human society. A cast out among cast outs, and the rotten cabbage in the patch. Someone who should have died way before he fell in love. Then there was a child who would suffer the same fate as her deluded father. Divided into a world of prejudice and pride. I feared for her innocence. She did not know that she was different. She would probably never understand why the other children looked the other way when those angel eyes stared at them.  Alex… what have you done?

I reached for the doorknob and my hand slipped off. Then I felt my heart pulsing all the way up to my throat. Something I had forcefully blocked out was trying to break free. I ripped the door open and almost as quickly I could feel a cold hand clutching my heart. I literally felt my iris shrink for a moment, threatening to scream out if my mouth would not. I remember the urge to vomit had disappeared the moment I stepped through the doorway. I looked back into the empty room expectant of someone, but found nothing in that desolate place. There was something wrong with it… of course… if something wasn’t wrong with me.

The fact that I was in a train came to me when I stepped outside of the room. A number of glass windows were spread alongside the hallway. Each and everyone keeping the angry snow storm outside. The winds howled like they were moaning. It mesmerized me as I stared. I imagined so many things outside. The raging snow had faces, I swore upon my own foreboding grave that there was more to that wind than I had wished I saw.

My fingers rubbed my eyes vigorously, straining my vision in hopes of blurring it enough to ignore what I thought I saw.

My footsteps echoed, even though the floor was fully carpeted. It was strange, but I paid little mind to it. I thought I was losing my head. The light sources around me seemed to have dimmed since I rubbed my eyes. The patterns on the carpet blended awkwardly and from my angle it looked like it was watching me. A voice woke me up from my daze. The voice, although, was not directed to me.

A woman looked out, dreamily, the window pane. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were wet. “Beautiful day isn’t it?…”

She seemed delirious but it didn’t look like I could do anything about it. “Madame?..” I tempted a word.

She did nothing to show me that she acknowledged my presence. Her melancholic voice seemed so far off I didn’t want to interrupt her again. I only looked back at her once and kept on walking.

“Huh..? Where are you running off to? Come back here!” She was irritated. Why? she was the one who blatantly ignored me.

My anger drowned out the feeling that had settled uncomfortably into my stomach and I turned to her.

“Oh there you are! Don’t do that ever again Dirk! Or I’ll die prematurely.”

All my frustration died when I saw a small boy tugging at her shirt. His hair was cut short. It was dark, but he was the image of his mother. I could hear small sobs from the child who buried his face into her clothing. It annoyed me that she did nothing, but ignore the small boy and rebuke him. Apart from her random spurts words… it seemed like she was completely alone.

“Dirk! Dirk! Where did you run off to?”

All through her monologue she stared blankly out of the window. Like something was drawing the soul out of her body. She seemed something like a mannequin. Lifeless. “Excuse me, miss?” My hand barely brushed her shoulder when she jump started. She tripped on her own feet and landed with a muffled thud on the carpet floor. “Madame are you OK? You look like you’ve seen a specter.” I stretched out a hand to her and she took it blindly, standing up in a hurry. She spoke really fast after. Apologizing between every other few words. “Drat. I’m so sorry… I didn’t hear or see you coming close. I wasn’t ex–” She stopped mid word when she stared at my face.

I didn’t think it was dirty. I washed my face the moment I had entered the room. My instincts told me that there was only one other explanation. I looked away, feeling my eyes retract from the intensity of the stare I had just received.

“My son…” She murmured something inaudible. “My son had those eyes… those same eyes…” Her voice weakened at the end and when I looked at her she was putting away a handkerchief that had dried off her tears once more.

Had..?

“Your sons right–” the small boy had disappeared. Did I imagine him?

“Who are you?” She pleaded with me. I could see in her eyes a million years of suffering. There were signs of age on her face. Lines and a droopy face. She was not a day over 25 though.

“I need to find my son…”
How am I of any help?